address of beelzebub
to the right honourable the earl of breadalbane, president of the right honourable and honourable the highnd society, which met on the 23rd of may st at the shakespeare, t garden, to cert ways and means to frustrate the designs of five hundred highnders, who, as the society were informed by mr. m'kenzie of applecross, were so audacious as to attempt an escape from their wful lords and masters whose property they were, by emigrating from the nds of mr. maald of glengary to the wilds of ada, in search of that fantastic thing—liberty.
long life, my lord, an' health be yours,
unskaithed by hunger'd highnd boors;
lrant me nae duddie, desperate beggar,
wi' dirk, cymore, and rusty trigger,
may twin auld sd o' a life
she likes—as butchers like a knife.
faith you and applecross were right
to keep the highnd hounds in sight:
i doubt na! they wad bid ter,
thahem a owre the water,
then up among thae kes and seas,
they'll mak what rules and ws they please:
some daring hancocke, or a franklin,
may set their highnd bluid a-ranklin;
some washington again may head them,
or some montgomery, fearless, lead them,
till god knows what may be effected
when by such heads as directed,
poor dunghill sons of dirt and mire
may to patri rights aspire!
nae sage north now, ner sackville,
to watd premier o'er the pack vile,—
an' whare will ye get howes and tons
t them tht repentance—
to cowe the rebel geion,
an' save the honour o' the nation?
they, an' be d-d! what right hae they
to meat, or sleep, ht o' day?
far less—to riches, pow'r, or freedom,
but what your lordship likes to gie them?
but hear, my llengarry, hear!
your hand's owre light to them, i fear;
your factrieves, trustees, and bailies,
i a say but they do gaylies;
they y aside a' tender mercies,
an' tirl the hallions to the birses;
yet while they're only poind't and herriet,
they'll keep their stubborn highnd spirit:
but smash them! crash them a' to spails,
an' rot the dyvors i' the jails!
the young dogs, swihem to the bour;
let wark an' hunger mak them sober!
the hizzies, if they're aughtlins fawsont,
let them in drury-ne be lesson'd!
an' if the wives an' dirty brats
e thiggin at your doors an' yetts,
fffin wi' duds, an' grey wi' beas',
frightin away your ducks an' geese;
get out a horsewhip or a jowler,
the hong, the fiercest growler,
an' gar the tatter'd gypsies pack
wi' a' their bastards on their back!
go on, my lord! i ng to meet you,
an' in my house at hame to greet you;
wi' on lords ye shanna mingle,
the benmost neuk beside the ingle,
at my right han' assigned your seat,
'tween herod's hip an' polycrate:
or if you on your station tarrow,
between almagro and pizarro,
a seat, i'm sure ye're well deservin't;
an' till ye e—your humble servant,
beelzebub.
ju, anno mundi, 5790.